Shutting the Door to Lyme--- Forever?

I stand behind a heavy door that reaches to the top of the universe, ready and more than willing to slam shut the illness that has racked my body for the past several years.
Questions come to mind:

• What do the little twitches and random numbness in my cheek mean? 
• What about the bouts of fatigue?
• Is there really such thing as remission with Lyme?
• What if I get bit again?
• Will I ever be 100%?

Knowing most of the answers,  I resolve to do what I have been taught to do:

• Keep my chin up and continue to pray.
• Count my many blessings.
• Keep my covenants and remain faithful.

What else can one do?  As I reflect, I seek for answers in my journal and realize that I am much further along than I expected, and for that alone, I rejoice. 

Journal dated December 5, 2009:
It has been almost 1 1/2 years since my last entry.  It has pained me to write, as I really do not want to actualize the words that I must write.  As the days and years have gone on and I see the purple edged spine of my lonely journal, my insides groan and I resist.  Why do I resist?  I am a coward, I suppose.  Perhaps by writing, I will reveal things I don't want to believe myself, however, time is of the essence, so to speak and I must write now, before the time may come that I won't be able to anymore. I am scared.  For the 1st time in my life, I face the fact that the keys of mortality are jangling in front of me and I am simply not ready emotionally to face that.  But, come what may, it is a fact of life, that God gives it, and at some point is taken from us.  But thank the Lord for eternal life, and eternal families.  How grateful I am for that.  My health has taken so many twists and turns but continues to decline, as I see it.  In 2005, I was vibrant, active, and healthy and walking 15 miles minimum a week, organizing conferences, writing a book and homeschooling successfully, I was primary president, I had life wrapped around my finger. Today, I am sedentary, my speech is slurred, my tongue is numb, my throat won't swallow, I can't remember things and I say things backward, use the wrong words for simple things, have labored breathing and am unable to participate in activities, exercise or organizations.  I can't lead or take charge of most things.  My gait is unsteady, I have no appetite, my eyes hurt and sting and I can't see when I get up.  I am taking about 25 products to keep my brain healthier and being treated for late stage disseminated Lyme disease, Epstein Barr Virus, chronic fatigue syndrome, a bacterial infection in my lungs and now my symptoms are manifesting ALS.  More than anything I want to be well again.  I want to raise my family, be a wife to my husband and live. I will try to be positive and happy and keep a good perspective. It is scary.  The things I read aren't good and the prognosis is awful.  There is no cure.

I am turning the knob now............